I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
