My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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