Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
