He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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