you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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