Pappa wants mamma naked
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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