My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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