I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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