At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
