so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
