she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
