if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
