we have officially lost it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
