Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
