i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
