this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
