U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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