I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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