she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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