I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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