if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
