he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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