You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
