okay pat passed out under dana's car
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
