Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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