trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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