I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
