remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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