Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
