the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
