I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't trust your balls anymore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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