yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
