Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
