so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
