I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
