I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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