i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
