I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
