awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
