You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
