Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
