he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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