This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
