I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
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