Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
