Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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