You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
