hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize