I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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