The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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