Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
