at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
