I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
