Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
