Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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