woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
