i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize