The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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