please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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