were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize