remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize