At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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