Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
