even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
