Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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