Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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