Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
