I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
