theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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