Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
