I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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