fuck your aforementioned shoe
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
