He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
