dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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