FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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