My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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