dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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