im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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