I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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