is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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