She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
