I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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