My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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