Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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