I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
