Me. At least after what I've been through.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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