I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
