I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
