I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
