Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
