Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
