well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
