She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am one with the molecules
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
