your thong is hanging out like whoa
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
