No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just had sex on a roof
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
