He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
