you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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