True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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