You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
