I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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